“Yeah, I didn’t want to talk about that kind of thing for 10 years, but then I thought, “You’re a coward if you don’t stand up. Not for you, but for women. Say something” … I want to support young girls who are in their 20s now and tell them: You’re not just imagining things. It’s tough. Everything that a guy says once, you have to say five times… After being the only girl in bands for 10 years, I learned—the hard way—that if I was going to get my ideas through, I was going to have to pretend that they—men—had the ideas. I became really good at this and I don’t even notice it myself.”
“When I did this album – it all just collapsed. I didn’t have anything. It was the most painful thing I ever experienced in my life”
“If I regret us, I’m denying my soul to grow. Don’t remove my pain. It is my chance to heal.” (‘Notget’, Vulnicura)
“With this record, I needed to extract myself out of this environment of make-believe. It's something that was necessary for me to do in the wake of my mother's death—to pursue a sense of peace and serenity in spite of suffering. It's not really trying to say anything new, or prove anything, or innovate. It feels artless, which is a good thing. This is not my art project; this is my life.” (Pitchfork)
EXPECTATIONS: When I was little I had a dream. I was going to move to England and live in Beatrix Potter’s house, write novels, and marry a dashing Englishman.
REALITY: Now I’m 23. Beatrix Potter’s house is a museum and kind of out of my price range, creative writing isn’t my thing, and the only Englishmen I fancy are characters in BBC period dramas.
I graduated from uni, went away for 18 months and now I’m back everyone seems to have life pretty much sorted. I on the other hand am still living at home and borrowing money from my parents to put credit on my Nokia brick. This was not how my life was supposed to go! I’m supposed to be a grown up; a sophisticated, independent, bill-paying grown up!
It’s easy to define yourself by your job, relationship status, or living situation. It’s easy to be super sensitive when people ask you how you spend your days, and convince them that your life consists of more than job applications and telly. It’s easy to wait for things that will make you ‘happy’. But do you know what? Just because your chocolate bar doesn’t have a golden ticket in it, doesn’t mean you should throw away perfectly good chocolate and feel sorry for yourself.
Expectations never quite match up to reality. Not that you shouldn’t plan and hope and dream, but there are some things you just don’t have control over. What I’m learning is that when the universe throws you these fun little challenges, be grateful for them. Life isn’t just the highlights on your Facebook page. It’s the in between bits too.
In the words of a very wise German man,
“We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf).
While I don’t live in Beatrix Potter’s house, I got to live quite close to it and experience England in a way I never imagined I would. I still love to write and found a career path that lets me do it. While I work on getting that career started I’m taking the opportunity to smell the daisies, try new things, and help my family. And no, Mr. Darcy hasn’t ridden up on his steed and asked me for my hand yet but you’re never too old to dream, right?
